A Nurse's Christmas Poem
T'was the week before Christmas,
and all through the floor,
The Lasix was filling
the Foleys galore.

Stockings were worn

to prevent emboli.

They came in two styles:

knee- and thigh-high.

The patients were nestled

half-assed in their beds,

While visions of stool softeners

danced in their heads.

We in our scrubs,

and they in their gowns

- Fashions created

to hide extra pounds.

When down in the E.R.

it became such a zoo.

They called for admissions

for me and for you.

They're coming, they're going,

they're looking the same.

My patience for patients

is starting to wane.

Now call lights are ringing, the patient expounds

"I have not had my peri-care, please send someone down."

So now delegation seems like a good plan.

We pass on to others the needs of this man.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear

But Santa himself and 8 tiny reindeer.

He states that he came in from Central Supply

To bring us LR, NS, and D5.

The doctors then scribbled what no one could read.

Orders for patients, to measure their pee.

We try to decipher illegible words.

Orders for patients, to soften their turds.

The new shift arriving, our day is now through.

How'd the stool and the emesis get in my shoe?

We give them report and pass on the facts,

And tell them of Duoderm lining the cracks.

And the Nurses exclaimed as they drove out of sight,

"Ativan to all! And to all a good night!"